All Alone
by arrow maker
Summary: Anomen's thoughts as he visits his home after learning of his sister's death. Insertations of the song 'Broken Home'by Papa Roach.


M: ah yes, yet another angst song fic. This one is about Anomen. Disclaimer: Anomen Derlyn, Cor and other names you recognize belong to Bioware. The song Broken Home belongs to Papa Roach.

All Alone

He made his way towards his home. Most men would consider their childhood home a place of harmony and security but not Anomen Derlyn. He knew that inside the large Derlyn manor laid a monster. This monster was a man changed by alcohol, his father.

_Broken home  
All alone _

His father was a merchant. And a drunk, he reminded himself.

_Broken home  
All alone_

Indeed, Lord Cor was always deep in his cups. Anomen was the bearer of many dark memories, in which most had the same image; his father, stumbling home and smelling of the poison that was ale.

_I can't seem to fight these feelings  
I'm caught in the middle of this_

His mother had tried to protect her children from his rages but she couldn't be everywhere at once. Anomen closed his eyes and remembered.

_My wounds are not healing  
I'm stuck in between my parents_

Anomen sat in the living room, playing a game with his sister. He figured that at age twelve, he was too old to play with toys but was excused if he played with Moira. His mother smiled at them as she read her book.

_I wish I had someone to talk to  
Someone to I could confide in_

A loud thump was heard at the door. His mother immediately stood up. The door open and an intoxicated Cor staggered into the room. Anomen watched with wide-eyed fear as his father's wild gaze surveyed the room. He heaved a sigh and finally spoke.

_I just want to know the truth  
I just want to know the truth_

"I lost..." He began, slurring his speech. "My month's earnings toosh...Shaerk." he said in a low voice. He belched and continued. "I was supposed...to have extra coinsh in my pursh." He said. Anomen's blood ran cold; he had been told to collect a bag of gold from the mercantile earnings and add them to his father's purse. He had forgotten to do so.

_Want to know the truth  
Broken home  
All alone_

Cor turned his wild gaze towards Anomen. The boy quivered with fear of the drunken man. His father's lips curled into a snarl. "You were supposed to put some coinsh in my pursh." He hissed. "IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I WAS HUMILIATED!"

_I know my mother loves me  
But does my father even care  
_

"Cor, leave him be, it was a mistake." His mother said gently. Cor snarled and struck her. "Don't you dare stick up forsh that little bastard!" He bellowed. Moira started to cry and a large red welt had appeared on his mother's cheek. Anomen was paralyzed with fear.

_If I'm sad or I'm angry  
You were never ever there_

Cor was oblivious to this. He shook his head and pulled off his belt. "I'm goin' ter teach that little brat a lesshon!" He cried and walked towards Anomen. Before the boy could blink, Cor had him by the scruff of his neck.

_When I needed you  
I hope you regret what you did_

Time seemed to slow as Cor lifted Anomen's shirt, exposing his bare back for a beating.

_I think I know the truth  
Your father did the same to you_

His father raised the belt in position for a strike.

_Did the same to you  
I'm crying day and night now_

"NO!" His mother cried. She leapt onto Cor's back and bit his ear. Cor roared in pain and dropped Anomen. "Anomen! Take your sister and run!" Moirala cried. The strange paralysis was broken. Anomen scooped his little sister into his arms and ran up the stairs.

_What is wrong with me  
I cannot fight now_

He ran into a closet and locked the door. To be extra safe he grabbed a bag of flour and pushed it in front of the door. His sister continued to sob. He sat down on the floor and put his arms around her. Tears leaked out of his eyes as well. The combination of their cries of grief blocked out the screams of rage and pain coming from their parents below.

_I feel like a weak link  
I'm crying day and night now_

They had reached the door. The large oak looming in front of him made him snap back to reality. He looked over at her. She gave him a reassuring smile. The smile truly boosted his confidence. He stood up straighter and pushed the door open.

_What is wrong with me  
I cannot fight now_

"The prodigal son returns. Heir to his mother's foolishness as always. How far have you roamed, son, running away from me?" His father spat as he walked in. Anomen glared at him. "Speak not of my mother, drunkard. You were never worthy of being her husband." He hissed.

_I feel like a weak link  
A weak link_

Unfortunately, irrational fear overpowered him and to his mental disgust, he cowered before his father. Cor proceeded to tell him about how Moira had been murdered and how he suspected the Saerk, his rival, was responsible. The conversation ended with Anomen walking out of the room to see Moira's urn.

_Broken home  
All alone_

He looked at the urn. It held Moira's cremated ashes. He wiped at moist eyes but could not tear his gaze away from the urn. This was not the first time he had suffered a death in his family. His mother had died several years ago. He closed his eyes and remembered.

_It feels bad to be alone  
Crying by yourself, living in a broken home_

He stood in front of his mother's grave. He knelt down and placed a bouquet of crimson rhodelias on her grave. They had always been her favorite flowers and Anomen assumed that she would want some for her grave. Cor walked up to him.

_To me, her son, she told me I'm the one  
Pain bottled up about to blow like a gun_

His father's eyes were red, a sign of shed tears. "You-you did this!" He cried in a hoarse rasp. "This is your entire fault!" He cried. Anomen looked at him. He pointed a finger at Anomen. "If you hadn't been born then she would still be alive! If you weren't such a handful!" He yelled. He shook his head. "You're not worthy of being called my son." He whispered. Anomen looked him straight in the eye. He said nothing to his father and left, his jaw clenched with anger.

_Stories that I tell are nonfiction  
And you can't take it back cause it's already done_

Anomen sighed as Moira's urn came into view again. That had not been the first time his father had insulted him so cruelly. One memory stood out amongst others; His squire ceremony. Anomen shut his eyes once more and remembered.

_Broken home  
Broken home_

Anomen beamed as he stood in the hall of the radiant heart. He had worked hard and was about to achieve the rank of squire. One step to closer to knighthood, he thought to himself. The ceremony started. Anomen had a serious face but was leaping for joy on the inside. Nothing could ruin this, he thought. Suddenly, the doors burst open.

_Can't seem to fight these feelings  
Caught in the middle of this_

Lord Cor stumbled in, reeking of wine. Anyone could see that he was filthy drunk and enraged. He turned to Sir Ryan Trawl. "You stole my son from me!" He accused. He pointed at Anomen. "He is a worthless and weak who shouldn't be in this damn order anyway!" He shouted. Anomen bit his lip to keep from screaming. This is not happening, this is not happening, he thought over and over. Sir Ryan looked at Cor. "He has proven himself." He said calmly. Cor shook his head and continued screaming. The knights were finally forced to drag him out of the hall. Anomen dug his nails into his clenched fist so hard that his palms started to bleed. He ruined the happiest day of my life, he thought bitterly.

_My wounds are not healing_

"Anomen?" Her voice shook him out of his reverie. He saw her walking towards him. He took a moment to regard her as she strode towards him. She was a paladin, a paragon of grace and someone he truly admired. She was beautiful as well. She had a face with delicate features and a mouth made for smiling. Her complexion was pale and smooth and her eyes dark blue. Pink hair brushed her slender shoulders. He had always found her hair color interesting and had once enquired about it. She had smiled and told him that she used to be blonde until her sister, Imoen, was first experimenting with her arcane abilities and caused a magical accident that left both of them with pink hair permanently.

_Stuck in between my parents_

"I am well worried by what has gone on in this place. Though the choice seems clear and right I am hesitant to take it" He started slowly. "Surely if Saerk killed my sister I must avenge her murder.Yet killing for the purpose of revenge is murder by the tenets of the Order.I know not what I should do." He admitted. She shook her head. "Do not let these thoughts of vengeance cloud your judgment.Killing for revenge is murder.Saerk must be brought to justice, and you must be the one to ensure that it is done"

"What you say holds truth yet, as my father says, I am honor-bound to- to find my sister's killer and take his life."

"You are honor-bound to the vows you made to the Order.The path you are considering is evil, Anomen...do not take it"

"Aye. This is right. I feel it in my bones. I've lived under the bitterness of my father's spirit my entire life. It has tainted me to the point where I am willing to partake in it. He can keep his hatred and drown his sorrows as he has always done. Yet the question of my sister's murder remains."

"To be honest, I'm not sure that I trust your father's version of events. All that he speaks of seems to be colored by his hatred of Saerk."

"They have always been mortal enemies.If my sister was indeed murdered then the magistrate would have investigated. My father's revenge be damned!I have sworn to uphold the law and unlike him, I shall do so. Come, let us return to my father.He may yet be convinced to follow the lawful path.It is not my place to take revenge.Such an act would lead to chaos." He stated. She smiled. To his surprise she took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She did not let go however. He lifted her hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. Compassion, sympathy, and caring made her eyes seem to glow in an ethereal way. They walked off hand-in-hand towards the kitchen. Revenge be damned, he thought.

_Broken home  
Broken home_


End file.
